Change is apossible, even if no one believes you.

I've  been trying my best to keep the Sabbath Day Holy. Its been about 3 weeks going on 4? Trying to make sure I dont do what I've done in the past which is.. making purchase. I know, terrible. Its mainly food purchases. Like going out to eat and then using food delivery services such as DoorDash to deliver food. There was actually one time when I had Door Dash deliver 3 times in one day.. and that was a Sunday. I, KNOW... SO TERRIBLE.

Well, Ive been working on fixing my life and getting back on track and keeping the Sabbath has been a hard one. But like I mentioned earlier Ive been going strong for 3 weeks and not purchasing anything. Im pretty proud of myself. 

Planning ahead has been mu easiest way to fix whatever it is that makes me break the sabbath. Now I'm still working on the TV and non church related materials that need to stop, but definitely making purchases on Sunday has seen huge improvements. 

Its hard when my neices and nephews are with us.  They LOVE going out everywhere. Stores, playgrounds, movies etc. Im sure it stems from this virus and having them confined to the walls of their school and wall. So when they spend the weekend with us, its like going to Disneyland.. well, onviously not the same excitement, but you get my drift. 

This weekend,  they spent the night and it waa great. Birthday  party fir our little mis Juicy and a family get together. A unicorn theme, and oeizes and food to match, it could be the birthday party of the year. We wrap things up and start to make the drive toeards Sunset to drop them off. As we're  going home, the kids ask if we can go to the gas station. I smile and because of my goal, I see this as an opportunity to teach. I say, "Sorry y'all, its sunday we dont go to the gas station on Sunday." 

My husband gets mad st me forntelling them "no" more so cause these or his sisters kids and wants to gice them everything they ask for even if its aginst his WIFES wishes.

He then starts tonsrgue with me and I say, This is our fault that they think they can ask that and NOT REALIZE that this is a soecial day set aside from the rest of the week to oraise our God. But just because we've taught them that doesnt mean we can work on changing those teachings. 

Well my ofa anga tells me that I'm never gonna change and that its all talk and hatred towards his nieces and nephews. Its actually quite the contrary. I want to makenthis change dor us, them.. OUR FAMILY. 

His inactivity has been a struggle that Ive been wirking on for too long. Gospel rules domt ap0ly to his nieces and nephews. Now, I wonder what would happene if it were my nieces and nephews.. would he be just as willing??  part of me says yes and more.. the other side says.. doubtful.

His words are piercing to my heart, "You'll never change."  Do I prove him right and back down?? Well if you know me... thats not gonna happen. 

If he's not gonna cheer me on, I'll cheer on my damn self. I'm hurt because your husband is supposed to encourage good change. Even if he's the only one, encourage good change. But I guess this isnt happening in this situation and if I'm honest, its not the first time he's done this to me 😔😔. In his mind being sexist is a good thing, I womder hiw he'd take it if someone treated his neive the way he treats me? But I figured if I write this down I can remember. It might sound like Im bashing and I probably am, but I need to remember to learn and grow from this. 

LLL,

Lee